Death in Venice

Yes. I did. I did lived in Venice for almost one year and half. Does that make me a Venetian? Absolutely no. Does that make me special. Well, of course! In a very snobbish way. I know where everything is in Venice, I don’t need a map, I don’t get lost, I know what I am supposed to listen to know when there is high tide, I know where to have a proper cicchetto e un’ombra de vin without paying much, I know what happens on November 21st, I know what you are supposed to give to a woman on April 25th and… so on. But above all, I share with Venetians a true hate against tourists. Don’t get me wrong here. They are an essential part of the economy. They are much needed. It’s just that when they walk around are so poorly dressed! With their “comfy” clothing, cheap backpack, ugly t-shirt, unfashionable bermuda and impossible style. I mean, folks, you.are.in.Venice! the greatest of all the cities in the entire world! And you embrace this adventure dressed like you are going at the mall on a Sunday morning with your jammies still on? Really? There should be a tax for that. There should be a dress code! There should be an international law! And this bad-style-thing is shared by people of all means and from all the countries! I’m not against eating a panino sitting on the stairs of one of the many Venetian bridges (everything is just SO expensive), I’m not against even taking a nap on a quiet bench at Giardini, I’m not against people picturing themselves fully covered with pigeons (if they like being covered by rats with wings!) but I’m fiercely against this tolerance in sloppy mises.

This is my personal list of dislikes:

  1. Poor style
  2. feeding pigeons
  3. not understanding that the calli are like streets: you can’t occupy them all! there are two lanes!
  4. expecting that everybody speaks English/French/German/Japanese in Venice, even sailors on vaporetti. For God sake! Why don’t YOU speak Italian?
  5. leaving your waste on the corners (you pig! move your ass and find the next trash-bin! like collecting trash is an easy task in a city such as Venice!)
  6. GoogleMaps doesn’t work in Venice? Really?! Idiot!
  7. Venice is not DisneyLand. People have real jobs, there are students, workers, postman and so on. So yes, the city it’s not meant to be perfect for you
  8. Gondolieri on gondole sing songs from Naples (a 700km away city) for your pleasure. Those song are not part of the Venetian cultural heritage or tradition. Please note that every single Italian is laughing at you in their head since… it’s just for tourist
Open hallway. Corderie
Open hallway. Corderie

 

Venice Biennale 2013
Venice Biennale 2013

 

 

Any thoughts?

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