Death, divorce, job loss and moving are the top four stressors in studies that identify what stresses us out in life. I’m not going to tell you, loving reader, which one has recently happened to me but here’s what I’m going throughout.
1. Denial: the “defense mechanism” step. “This can’t be happening, not to me”
2. Anger: the “misplaced feelings of rage and envy” step. “How can this happen to me?”
3. Bargaining: is a step where there’s the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. “If I lose weight, he will come back”.
4. Depression: step with a kind of acceptance with emotional attachment. ” I’m not going to make it without…”
5. Hope: it’s the beginning to come to terms with the mortality, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event. “I can’t fight it, I may as well prepare for it.”
Morte, divorzio, licenziamento e trasloco sono le quattro ragioni di stress estremo che una persona può subire (o sopportare) secondo i più recenti studi. Caro lettore, non ti dirò quale fra questi mi è capitato di recente. Ti posso però dire cosa sto passando.
1. Diniego: fase della negazione e rifiuto. «Non può essere vero»
2. Rabbia: paura e collera verso tutto ciò che ci circonda. «Perché proprio a me?»
3. Negoziazione: si inizia ad accettare la propria condizione imponendosi degli obiettivi per migliorarsi. «Se dimagrisco sarò più bella e rimpiangerà di avermi lasciata!»
4. Depressione: si capisce che si sta perdendo con un grande senso di sconfitta. «Non ce la farò mai senza…»
5. Accettazione: si accetta la propria condizione e si ricomincia da zero, o meglio si riprendono le redini della propria vita. «Ce la posso fare!Ce la posso fare! ce la faccio!»
So folks, here our first interveiw with a VIP! Hope you will enjoy the humour of Debora Villa, a very popular comedian that recently released the book “Women chasing wolves. Everything you didn’t want to know about women that I can’t help but telling you.” for Cairo Publishing.
Mircea. So, a book. Is this because you still believe into the piece of writing or it’s just a good marketing management of your popularity? And by the way, why the dog Latin chapters’ titles (which are a brainwave if you ask me, graduated in Humane Letters)?
Debora Villa. The choice is totally driven by my desire of doing so as everything I do. After the amazing success of my standup, we decided to put into a piece of writing our frenzy, widening chapters and contents. The dog Latins chapters’ titles are written by Antonio Amurri, who previously wrote “How to kill the wife and why.”
Mircea. Throughout the pages of your book, it seems that women are still looking for the Prince Charming to get settled, forever. Is this, still so rooted in our culture? Is all Walt Disney’s fault? And how should we get rid of it once and for all?
Debora Villa. Well, that’s a good question. To be honest I believe this quest is still really part of the culture of Italian women. So chronic that is causing deep, painful and apparently unsolvable frictions between the two genders. We wouldn’t be in such of a crisis if we didn’t have to uproot from our depths those archetypes. But we are working on that and, by the way, men too are tired of being asked and expected to play the knight’s role. Time for the change has finally come… Yes girls, we can!
Mircea. I was really perplexed by your description of the “groper”‘s accident. That is a real sexual harassment why did you write to have acted in such of a bland way? Isn’t that some kind of legitimation for man to “try”, leaving to women only the chamaleon’s strategy: stay still and camouflaged hoping not to be spotted by the predator? why not a public dramatic humiliation of the felon such of a verbal exposure or, why not, an old good fashion slap on his face? Don’t you think to pass a message of tolerance for this “bad habit”?
Debora Villa. Well, in my “real” life I’ve been unfortunate enough to meet a lot of “maniac” and I quote the word since some of them were really sick, and the other part were unpunished pigs believing to own the right to abuse. I reacted as you described and even more! Into the “book reality” I just closed those episodes with a funny line to be consistant with the book tone. I’m an activist, I’ve been supporting a non-profit organization focused on domestic violences and my social and civil engagement is costant.
Mircea. Here in US “How to be a woman” by Caitlin Moran is all the rages. Have you red it yet? and if so, what do you think?
Debora Villa. What a coincidence! I’m actually reading it now! To be honest I just red the first chapter about “Period” and “Pornography” and I found it reeeeeelly interesting! That Caitlin is a great woman. I believe she’s unhinging all the traditional values to set new ones. Can’t wait to read it all.
Mircea. How important is for you to be a comedian as a woman? What’s your goal apart from paying the rent and surviving among “veline” (cheap Berlusconi’s style starlets)?
Debora Villa. I’m from Milano’s suburbia (ghetto). “The Bronx” to be clear. I was lucky enough to have irony and self-deprecating humor otherwise I wouldn’t be alive. I’ve also been lucky enough to make a job out of it, which I love. As a matter of fact I tried many other jobs but I was always ill. I can’t do anything else but this. And it’s not easy, I swear, since I’m not a “daughter of” neither a “protegée.” And I like make people laugh on serious things and on nonsenses. I will do this till I live. Well, I pay back the good luck I had doing a lot of charities so I do TV, radio & Co. but then I work for free contributing to the causes that are dear to me.
Mircea. Wardrobe seasonal changing… Why it’s supposed to be a woman’s thing and why men’s aren’t apparently unable to do it?
Debora Villa. There are things that will never change…
Mircea. There’s this popolar joke on the web “People say that every women’s dream is to find Mr. Right. Bullocks! every woman’s dream is to stuff themselves without putting on a pound”. What do you think?
Debora Villa. Well, I’d say that’s so true!
Mircea. On a recent interviview you said you’d like to travel. That means you’ll come and visit us, brain drain abroad?
Debora Villa. It would be wonderful to be able to travel and bringing with me “the performance”. I’m working on a French translation and I’m considering an English version too… I’m finally open to give it a try and I’m definetly willing to travel around the world.
Mircea. Abroad our reputations as Italian has never been this low, thanks to our politicians that did a great job promoting themselves as womanizer, pharisee, tax dodger, devoted to nepotism and so on (ex. Bossi’s jr. false degree). What do you suggest us to not be ashamed while walking around?
Debora Villa. We have to own it and take control of it! If we are still allowing those people to run the Country, well, we have to say “I’m Italian, I live in the Middle Age but I’m sure that at a certain point the Renaissance will be back. Not that this “Govern of Technicians” is better with its saving banks, politician caste and rich people…
Mircea. Turning the tide: do you have a question for us?
Debora Villa. Why don’t you invite me to visit you? whatch out… I may come
Nostalgia, according to the etymology, is the acute pain/desire to go back home (Antient Greek “nostos“: return home + “algos“: pain). Well, despite my living abroad I never felt this sentimental longing. For some reason I’m happier, more relaxed, even nicer to people. Not that UK, USA, or France are the Eden of my dreams but it’s where I feel that anything could happen if I want to and this feeling is priceless as fresh air to me, for everything else there’s Mastercard as they say. Drinking an iced skinny latte*** from the local coffe shop (run by indie guys all tatoo and eco-friendly goods) while strolling down at the weekly market (which, btw, is not full with chinese crap) browsing its hand-made bread, ice bream, cheese, ravioli or clothing is an experience almost too simple and fullfilling to describe.
But back to reality and killing snobbery I recently came across to another kind of bitchiness: the design bitch. She works for a middle weight design brand, she dresses only designer clothing (more likely bought at the sample sales where she is always able to squeeze in), she usually has long bleached hair and has this attitude that she’s right jumping the queue at the aperitivo table because she has business to do after having grabbed two glasses of prosecco–one for herself and the other for the very important person she’s with; so people, you are standing in her way, just move or she’s going literally and phisically to move YOU. Design bitch watch your back! I don’t know how that happened! I never spilled my wine on other’s people cocktail dress! Untill now. God I love design!
*** iced skinny latte: half mug full with ice + half cup of skim milk + 1 shot of espresso. Stir. Ready to drink.
Hey guys, I’m busy. Very busy at the moment, preparing something big here in London so don’t feel neglected as I’m working for you, watching closely Mrs. Windsor-superboring-Kate-Middleton to report you everything I can note. Apart from that, I’m also sick, which is not really nice when you have to meet people pretending to be 100% there. Oh, I noticed that Kim Kardashian has recently gained an editorial on L’Uomo Vogue shooted by Mrs. Sozzani‘s son Mr. Francesco Carrozzini. I don’t know what’s more deceivable: the fact that such a nobody like the Kardashian captured the attention of L’Uomo Vogue or that nepotism doesn’t have shame. In Italy at least. What’s next then? Thanks God Prada doens’t have any kids! Can you imagine? Her progeny could become, I don’t know, President? And what about my (now former) fav. magazine ever? aka Monocle?
I’ve been so peeved recently, I mean, they published on they über cool “inventory” as “indipendent man” to look at Lapo Elkann. Are they kidding? That was personally insulting, like there’s no other young and cool Italian around the world actually worthing the attention of the magazine? He’s the super-and-spoiled (and stupid, the basketball game Toronto vs. Lakers anyone?) son of the Italian dynasty FIAT – Crysler now playing the role of independent entrepreneur who’s started (yes, a start-up, hilarious) a company devoted to design. Is Italian nepotism taking over even the UK straight back?
And with this disturbing question I’ll see you in a couple of days.
So, it took me an entire week to recover from the Milanese design week full immersion. It’s now gia-enormous! Almost impossible to keep track of everything I’ve seen, everybody I’ve meet with, everything I’ve… ehm, drunk eaten. So, one night I had this VIM (Very Important Meeting) and since even my natural glow after a long winter of unnatural light exposure it’s a little bit vanished, I decided to take the risk and go to Sephora to have a make-up on the way. I asked the make up artist, let’s call him mister Blush (how old was he? perhaps 17?), a very light and natural look for a meeting. So, after half an hour of work — and I believe 10 kg of products — he showed me my face: I looked like a business woman who take herself a way too seriously, so I asked the artist to take it a bit off. And he did, I went to my appointment with the neat impression to have on a chalk mask on, and my ability to facial expression was severely reduced but in spite of that (and to high heels) I somehow managed the situation. Later that night, when I was home, I tried to remove it. Well, after half of bottle of make-up remover, billions of wads, and one shower my eyes were still presenting heavy traces of eye-liner that I was unable to clean. So I’ve had a lightbulb moment finally getting what “waterproof make-up” really is. And that was THE moment of my exhausting design week.
Hell yeah, the bloggers’ world give me its very first satisfaction: I probably have found my pen soulmate. She’s got a sharp tongue, she’s vitriolic, sarcastic, scathing and dangerously hilarious. Well, she’s me a decade ago.
So folks, I’m not alone anymore! For my entire life I always knew I was different: not baptized in a Catholic boarding school, tiny in a world of giants, studying lover in a society that promotes and supports just the clubbing philosophy*. Basically a misfit. So, of course I developed since an early age this, ehm, how can I call it? bitching attitude? The worst part is that If I dislike someone I can’t help if not showing it right to his face. Have you dr. House in mind? Well, something like that minus the sociopath aspect. But voilà, suddenly here’s it comes “La Zitella Acida** to enlighten my gloomy days! Yes, that’s the name she picked as her nom de plume.
When I was reading one of her posts, I came across to the following caption under one of Kelly Osbourne’s post diet pictures “Drop dead minter!”, and it was love at first sight reading. Since then I religiously read all her posts, having lot of fun and comfort because someone is talking it loud and is not afraid to do so. Just like me.
So drop dead Franca Sozzani and that hypocritical Harvard speech of yours!
* yes, I hate discos.
** could be translated as “crabby old maid”. Take a look of her blog www.matiseivista.com/
I know you were craving to know how my story ended. If only I could say something full of slam-bang humour, oh good Lord [this is a vocative form], give me the lexical appropriateness to do such a thing! But before that, let’s bitch a bit about Kate Middleton. And yes, she married a (bold and surprisingly old looking) Prince, and yes she’s skinny, and yes she can actually have formal occasions where wearing a diamond tiara is appropriate but –there’s is always a but– she’s just so bland! I understand she dresses high street and that made her a bit more likeable to people, but when wearing Zara is so boring, well we don’t need her for that! That’s not the reason why we (I mean “I”) pay taxes to the Her Majesty’s Revenue and Custom office*! I do that not only to avoid jail but also to be provided with juicy scandals from the Royal Family and she shouldn’t make an exception! That doesn’t make paying taxes more likeable at all! I want her to make fashion faux pas, I want her to diet and gain weight as Sarah Ferguson did, I want her to be a slave of her own destiny and not some boring neat housewife always in control of the situation no matter what! Bloody Hell! She looks like my middle age aunt! And perhaps they share the same makeup artist! God she’s boring! Michelle Obama is a way better fashion-wearing than Kate Middleton, and I’m pretty sure they have the same clothing allowance!
Well, back to our commoner misery, my bosses –just 24h late respect to the agreement–called me in and, in a very fake-friendly way, they partially agreed to my requests and partially not. So, I’m not satisfied at all, but I made the best of a bad and–above all–it’s not done yet because: who laughs last, laughs longest. And I will laugh.
*also knows as HMRC